I "graduated" from high school in 1980 when I was 17. I wanted to be a teacher, but I got married 3 mos later, still at age 17 by the way (long story) and well, college after that was just not an option.
A couple years later I
"graduated" into motherhood. That was one of the most rewarding times of
my life, and also the beginning of the downfall of my weight struggle.
I was pregnant four times and I was blessed with two living children,
BOYS, I had a miscarriage at 4 1/2 months and a stillborn daughter,
whom I buried in 1987. I gained most of my weight after that. Sadness is
a hard thing to overcome.
I still can't explain how it got so
out of control, my eating that is, but I found myself at 523+ pounds and
stayed there, with a yoyo syndrome of lose 100 gain 120, lose 75 gain
100, etc. over the next 20 years. I had "graduated" into a morbidly
obese woman, who was facing death. Literally. Doctors gave me 2 years
max to live.
Around this same time I also "graduated" into
becoming a NANA. This was one of the most amazing times in my life. I
LOVE my grandson more than anything. I did NOT want to die and not see
him grow up.
It was time to "graduate" into a healthy person
again. I started to find creative ways to exercise, I ate good, I
followed the WW plan & I lost 125 pounds. It took me 3 1/2 years to
do it. But it wasn't enough. At the rate I was losing the Dr said I
would still die before I got healthy. I was still on oxygen, still could barely walk or drive a car and still on many medications. I had to do more. I wanted to do
more. So I went to the Bariatric DR and signed up for weight loss surgery.
2008, on my 46th birthday, I "graduated" into a WLS patient. My stomach
is now the size of an egg. I physically cannot eat the amounts of food I
was accustomed to anymore. The weight began to fall off for 18 months, I
lost 200 pounds during that honeymoon period. I felt worthy again. I
believed I could DO this finally.
BUT life is never perfect even for a hard core perfectionist like me.
Next, I "graduated" into that dreaded period of re-gain... yep it
happens... after 18 months, even though I have had surgery, I am just
like everyone else, I have to watch what I eat and exercise if I want to
lose or maintain. Those one taste of a chip lead to a snack bag of
chips, that led to a can of pringles over the course of a day (still
can't eat in one sitting). I watched new WLS friends coming into the
program weighing what I weighed now, and then getting down to a size 4,
and I started feeling like I was a failure. I went from 523 to 179 to
220. From a size 6X dress, that was still tight, to a size 12... now more like a 16 or an 18. Jealousy can lead a person to not think good things about themselves. I was so happy for my friends but their success was only highlighting my failures in my eyes.
"Graduation" day again, this time to a pity party, a long pity party. Why bother? I may be
1/2 the person I used to be but I am still fat. I can walk again, I can
drive, I can exercise, I can ride roller coasters.
I don't need seat
belt extensions on a plane but I am still fat. Everyone looks better
than me. I don't like these parties. I am thankful I have friends that
care enough to remind me of the things I CAN do now and how proud and
inspired my journey has been. They reminded me I CAN DO ANYTHING.
Anything? Even going back to school? YES especially that.
2010 I enrolled in college. I want to be a licensed clinical social
worker, I want to counsel and help weight loss patients, people who need
to lose, are losing, or have lost weight, especially 100 pounds or
more. I've been through the good times, and the bad times and fallen but I've gotten back up. I guess I have overcome. I
want to help them too. Losing weight is the hardest thing anyone will
ever do and with or without WLS it's always up to the individual.
Yesterday, I "GRADUATED" from college with my associates degree, and a 4.0 GPA. Me...
the failure. I can no longer call myself that failure word with a
I still plan on losing more weight. I still plan
on using my "tool" to control and manage the foods I CHOOSE to put in my
mouth, I still plan on exercising my body in the gym and my mind with
positive and encouraging thoughts. And you know what, if my weight
stayed right where it is now, I am still a success. I am NOT DEAD, and
I have no plans on dieing anytime soon.
I have "graduated" into
an empowered, determined, & confident woman, & I want everyone to
know that they TOO can be that person.
So there you go... This is where my mind is today...
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
We had a treat this morning for breakfast... baby brother Jack and Jamie joined us at The Waffle House...
We decided to go see the Children's Museum with the boys after breakfast. What a cute place... first thing Adam saw was the 2 story jungle gym thing
Of course by the end of the trip we were all
Oh and I must say chasing the two boys around three floors of a museum really burns off those calories... I walked in one way and walked out THINNER here's the proof... :-)
Sunday, April 8, 2012
We watched church online and saw Papa and Autumn. That was a treat.
We are going to go to church in SC and then Adam and his brother are going to spend Easter with some of his brothers family. I hope they have lots of fun. I won't be there so I won't have any photos to post, I guess we will have to use our imagination.
Only 2 more days left of vacation... Adam broke the Internet router this morning, I got it working but it's only a temporary fix, hopefully we can get it replaced and not lose Internet again.
Just in case I will post this now.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Today we went to the Greenville Zoo... Adam's favorite animal was the LION... but I have to say he equally enjoyed the monkeys and snakes and birds too.
Those of you that know me... guessed...
Adam was the good big brother and tried to help mama carry the little brother because her back was killing her...
After the Zoo, poor Angie had to have her back fixed by Adam
On that note... Adam and Jack say see ya again soon.... grrrrrrr in their best "bear" voice
Friday, April 6, 2012
So today was our trip to Carowinds amusement park in Charlotte NC. It was about a 2 hour drive maybe a little less, and NO RAIN. It was the perfect day for walking around a roller coaster park, slight wind, sun shining but not so hot you couldn't breathe :-)
Adam as never been on a roller coaster so it was so fun to see him experience them for the first time. He loved the first one, the second one was a loop de loop coaster and he seemed to like that as well, although he did say he felt a little dizzy. The loop de loop kind are my favorite. The third was the old wooden roller coaster, Angies favorite and the one I feared the most. We all survived.
Adam's favorite rides were the ones we got soaked on... we rode one waterfall ride three times in a row and after we dried we found another one and we were wet all over again.
Adam of course HAD TO HAVE a Squid hat...
The ride home was uneventful... Adam fell asleep in the car and I put my feet up and let Angie do all the driving. I HAD to put my feet upt though cause she was setting them on fire with the heat.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Adam's plane ride was good and bad. He recently got over an ear infection, so when his ears started to pop on the first flight he was a little scared and cried. But by the second flight out of Chicago he was ready for it and no problem. Of course the fact that he took a nap helped too I think...
We arrived in SC and the first order of business was to go get baby brother Jack!!!
We brought Jack home and got caught in a major rain storm, a quick trip, is there EVER a quick trip, to Walmart. $103 later we were back home to shower and get ready for bed.
Friday, Good Friday, is tomorrow. We have plans to ride roller coasters all day, hopefully the rain will decide to go elsewhere for the day.
See you tomorrow for day 2 :-)
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