Thursday, November 4, 2010

30 Years Finding ME Beneath all the FAT

It's been quite the journey.

Today is my 48th birthday. It's an important one for a few reasons. In 2007 the Dr told me I was in such bad health that I would have a stroke in 2 years and in 3 years I'd be dead.  As you can see I am NOT dead. I reversed that prediction and I have Dr Singh and weight loss surgery to thank for that. As well as my friends and family for the support along the way, and it goes without saying to God for preparing the way for me to get out of the death trap I was in.

I have to say I didn't believe I'd ever really get back to a normal size. Not for a long time. I've lost weight before and always found it again plus many more pounds.

Even when I was small (aka high school photo) I didn't think I was small, my image of myself was not positive at all. I thought I was fat and ugly and not worth very much.
That is no longer the case. It took a long time to finally admit that it was OK to like and yes even LOVE myself. That does not mean I am self centered or conceited. Well maybe sometimes, lol.

Being overweight was a shelter and a burden for me. I hid behind the weight because it gave people a reason to look down on me, and I think deep down I thought if I ever lost the weight I'd have nothing to hide behind and then when people didn't like me there would be nothing to blame except myself.

Now I guess I don't care, if you don't like me it's your loss. I'm a great friend. And if you mistreat me or use me well again that's your loss. Unfortunately I hate to say that has happened recently, but when it did I did not turn to food to feed the hole that was left behind, I have truly changed the way I think and who I am.

I was saying the surgery did NOT change me but I guess it did. I am confident, I am energetic, I am HUMAN.

So I even cut my hair off, what was left anyway. Turns out everyone thinks I look better and younger with short hair, who'd a thunk it? 

One last comment, school is going great. It's a lot of work and I am just a little overwhelmed but it's FUN. Not much time for other things, like blogging, but I will try to get here when I can. 


Unknown said...

You are such an inspiration! I love your blog and I really enjoy a peek at your journey. You need to add Brave and Courageous to your new list! Happy Birthday!!!

Claudia said...

I've never told you what a true inspiration to me you have been since your surgery. I kept reading your story and I would cry, because I kept wishing that I had the strength to have that surgery, too.

After my breast cancer and hospitalization last November, I had to go into therapy for depression. It had never been so bad. I was in a place I never thought I could get out of. But I'm slowly getting out now.

I joined Weight Watchers and as of today, I have lost 31 pounds. I have SO far to go yet, but I'm on such a good journey. I don't have the pictures because I fear the camera like nothing else. But people around me say they can see the difference. My clothes tell me the same thing.

So, on your birthday, I thank you for being the catalyst to get my life going again.

Claudia K

pdxknitterati/MicheleLB said...

You are a butterfly! Congratulations for finding YOU.

hakucho said...

Happy Birthday! certainly did well and now you are enjoying the results of all your hard work. Hope you had a great day today :)

Cat said...

Kathy you are such an inspiration! I am so proud and happy to call you friend. You have worked so hard yup are truly awesome.

Hugs & love,

Anonymous said...



Greetings Pe

RoamingKnitter said...

As I read your blog, I thought of "I am WOMAN, hear me roar!" You deserve to roar, shout with happiness and dance the happiest dance ever. The photos tell me that you were always a beautiful woman, now you can see it for yourself. I love the short hair. Keep believing in yourself & trust in the Lord. HE never saw you as the person you thought you saw in the mirror. Now, see yourself through His eyes.

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